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People often fucking ask what we do?

Well it seems simple but for some people it's really not so here's an explanation.... 

We like to Party - We like to party - We like to party - No not like the fucking Vengaboys. ( you had that fucking tune in your head didn't you!!!)

We don't fucking like Saturday night TV and we can't fucking afford to go out every week so we came up with this cunning plan where you pay us a shit load of money to play our favourite music really fucking loud and we use all the money to buy more toys which we normally couldn't afford.


There are a lot of good DJ's around but a lot of shit ones too... how can you tell the difference... well the shit ones usually have expensive looking fucking websites which spout absolute crap. YOU need facts - No bullshit Facts!! so read on.


We Fucking play music

Don't be fooled by this little speaker...I'm not going to lie to you, I's fucking loud, so don't bring Grandad in if it's gonna hurt his ears. All the music is illegally downloaded to quality might be a bit rough. 


We have 150,000,000 tracks to choose from and you can build your own playlist but we'll probably fucking ignore it cos we've got much better music taste than you.

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We put on fucking expensive shiny lights!

If you can't stand shiny lights then this not for you.. go back to the bar !!!


We try to put them somewhere you can't trip over them but we can't guarantee that!


We have strobes and shit too.


PS this is not our DJ, we would not be seen dead in smart clothes, its bad for our image. 

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You fucking dance!

Yes, that's all we fucking ask of you, dance your little socks off, it makes us feel good!


Well that and stop asking for shit music that nobody else wants to listen to. 


And be careful not to slip on our dance floor you clumsy fuck cos we haven't got insurance.

Our Customers Fucking Love us - read on!

These guys are the best, the dance floor was packed all day from the minute the doors opened at 10am.. what more could you ask for? the DJ even escorted my wife back to her room when she's had too much to drink , TOP CLASS SERVICE ! Highly recommended *****

ROB - Cheshire

Service Prices

Compare our service packages and find the best fit for you and don't fucking complain if these packages don't suit you.


(We quote in dollars because the pound is going to shit)

One Party


Cash Only


Best Package Offer

5 hr session

Loads of fucking lights

Shiny DJ booth

We MC over every track

Marital Special


Cash and bitcoins accepted

One party at marriage and one at Divorce

1 * 5 hour wedding and 1 * 10 hour divorce party ( divorce must be taken within 10 years of booking - no fucking refunds)

We haven't a clue what to bring.. shit changes. 

Unlimited illegal music

DIY Special


Be your own superstar DJ for one night

You can use our gear- we'll meet you early for a quick line to loosen you up.

8 hour hr session

All tracks pre mixed if you want

We'll MC later in the night when we're fucked.

Clean up crew with Bacon Butties at midnight

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